I don't want the world to see me,
I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's meant to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

Have you ever wanted to write frankly about yourself, the way that you see magazine editorialists put their life story on the line as collateral for what they hope will be a good story? I try it alot, and it usually just ends up being a mess of profanities.

Let's try.

I see myself as the kind of person who doesn't really have anything to say that anyone wants to hear. There's all these people I knew from high school who I didn't know well, but I want to know now. I see them on facebook all the time, but I just can't talk to them, get them to talk to me. That's frustrating, but I'll get over it.

I like my job, but I hate myself. I'm professional, reliable, career-oriented, and alone. And the world seems so small, but then I see something on TV or on someone's blog and realize that it's really a large world, a very, very large world. Because there's valuable connections to be made with everyone you could run into. But I run into people I want to make connections with and don't know how. And I want desperately to move to the big city just so I can be around people, but more than the big city, I just want the people. I think that I could be happy, healthy, and positive, if I just had the right people to lean on. Trying to stand alone, I end up not standing up straight, or not standing up at all, and I feel like it makes me invisible.

But I'm so excited, because I see clearly what I want, and I know I'm going to get it. I just don't see the "how" inbetween,

But ARRRGH, I hate the way I write, because it sounds so simplistic and patronizing, like a happy-ending Disney movie. Once in a while I chance upon a string of writing that's really alot deeper, and more controversial, less black and white. And I want to meet people like that too. And I want to doubt and question, and make them doubt and question, and find out that I really don't know who I am, that I'm actually something completely different.

Oooh! What a great story that would be. I'd have to go on some long journey to find myself, and I'll realize that my perceived career as an engineer was only the first step, and when it's over I'll be someone completely different.

No. You see, it's really pointless to write about it, I'm not going to see it coming when it happens, there's no way I can anticipate that. I'm sure if I were close I would've found it by now, I just have to keep my eyes peeled. For some mind-blowing opportunity.